NFL 2012 Week 17 Predictions

Happy Holidays everyone, and congrats to those who now have fantasy titles, welcome to the club. And for those who finished in second or third (I have 1 and 3 of those finishes myself this year), congrats as well on strong seasons. Last regular season predictions, enjoy. 

Power Tiers:

Super Bowl Probables: Green Bay and Denver. Nothing Changed there.

Championship Level: San Francisco and New England. Both shaky but it really seems they will be there in the end.

In Contention: Atlanta and Seattle. For different reasons, don’t know if they will be there in the end.

Wild Card:  Houston, despite what has happened to them lately. And the Giants. Just in case. Even if they are eliminated, I will probably list them here. Just to be safe. I don’t have residual issues at all.

The picks are going to be fast and quick, as many of these games don’t matter and will be hard to predict.

Week 17

-Bengals over Ravens is meaningless. I am going to guess a Baltimore win, as they kind of want the 3 seed.

Saints -5 over Panthers, 34-27

-Should be a high score here, but the Saints are hot enough to end the season with a win and return to equilibrium at .500.

Bears -3 over Lions, 27-19

-Simply a case of one team needing it and the other wanting a record. Stafford throws, oh, 48 times easily? By the way, Calvin isn’t actually getting a lot of garbage time yards, so I don’t know why people are fixating on that. What is more interesting is his propensity for getting tackled at the one yard line.

Steelers -7 over Browns, 23-6

-This pick has everything to do with how horrendous Cleveland is going to perform on offense. Thad Lewis? Ugh.

Packers -3.5 over Vikings, 37-20

-Peterson has a HUGE day but the Packers want that one seed.

Texans -3 over Colts, 19-10

-Colts are going to be the 5, and very well could see the Texans in two weeks AGAIN (I have a standing prediction with a friend that the Colts go into Baltimore and kill the Ravens if it schedules out that way). So the Texans kind of try to just technically seal up the situation and the Colts play really vanilla to not let anything get out about game plans.

TEN-JAX is also meaningless, and just should be an agreed-upon tie so that the game doesn’t have to take place. Wait, I have Justin Blackmon as a key player this week in a title game. PLAY ON!

Dolphins +10.5 over Pats, 23-24

-Something is telling me the Pats are going to punt this game to avoid Denver in the next round by purposely falling to the 4 seed. And in general, I just don’t trust teams like the Pats in the final game in situations like this. Bill will do whatever he thinks best. I’m just not going to bet on what that will be. If they try even a little they win this, but 10.5? No way.

Bills -4.5 over Jets, 21-12

-Bet on the team without a center, or the team without skill? I guess I’ll go with Buffalo. At least they are at home and have Spiller. Wait, Sanchez is playing? Okay, I’m definitively in.

Giants -7 over Eagles, 26-15

-One more chance for Vick to turn it over 4 times. Or, you know, catch fire and convince a team to make him their starter next year. (Please come to the Jets Vick. Please! I’m literally salivating).

ATL-TB is meaningless, no idea how long ATL starters play.

Cards +16.5 over 49ers, 13-26

-Always take over a two touchdown spread when a team A. Starts throwing to its best guy again and B. the opponent just got butt whooped. That duo of situations has gotta find a place in my manifesto somewhere…

Chiefs +16.5 over Broncos, 13-24

-Broncos probably win this easy, but then they start looking ahead and resting guys. NE will probably somehow be down 23-0 at this point while Brady is having a Mountain Dew on the sidelines as Ryan Mallett does his best Drew Bledsoe out there and Denver will get the hint. Plus, Jamaal Charles IS really good.

SD-OAK: I predict because neither team will be able to field a complete unit, they agree to take knees from halftime onward. And while watching from the sidelines, Ryan Mathews breaks another clavicle.

Rams +10.5 over Seahawks, 17-27

-Rams play the Hawks close, are better than most think, and this is another game where we have no idea what will matter at this point in time. If the Niners are up 24-0 on the Cards at half, Seattle may look to build the trade value of Matt Flynn.

Cowboys +3.5 over Ethnic Slurs, 29-27

-I’m taking the 3.5 because that is just too big a number in such a close contest, but I am taking Dallas for the win because the Cowboys have reverse suckered us in. they lost the game they really needed last week. Now, in Washington, against the wonderrook, we are all expecting them to choke. That is why I predict they will win.

This game, ladies and gentleman, is the holiday playoff gift to us all. Especially if it is Dallas who wins. Whoever they host, Chicago or Seattle most likely, just take in the Wild Card round, ignoring the line, and celebrate your victory as Romo or RGIII look so overwhelmed. I’m already excited.

Record last week:

Straight Up: 13-2

By Spread: 11-3

Record this year:

Straight Up: 133-71

By Spread: 109-94

Lifetime record:
Straight Up: 522-268
By Spread: 429-367